hello please can I sleep in a studio ghibli bed it’s urgent
Okay there all look great with the EXCEPTION of Howl’s bed, are you kidding me
Look at that thang. The duvet, the pillowcases- that shit is embroidered and beaded to FUCK. That’s your victorian great-great-grandmother’s fanciest display sheets for the decorative guest room nobody ever uses. You roll over the wrong way on one of those appliqué czech glass flowers and lose a goddamn eye. Abrasive as hell. Too delicate to machine-wash, too, so the fabric itself gotta be tough like sandpaper. That, or frayed all to shit, like you shift a little in the night and get sequins falling all over like a drunk queen in a bouncy castle. You know I’m right. Look at him. Look at how he’s sleeping and tell me that man’s so much as SAT on those sheets in his life. My girl Sophie did her best but we all know that’s his fancy interior design hashtag #aesthetic Instagram influencer background room. He doesn’t SLEEP there, he sleeps on the couch or on the floor or in the reclined seat of his busted-out Subaru in the garage that hasn’t worked right in five years cause he doesn’t know what an oil change is. That’s the room he uses for makeup tutorials and Shien Hauls (derogatory). Look at that man. Look at him for five seconds and tell me he isn’t gonna wake up in an hour crying over snagged hair and floral imprints on his face. What the HELL Sophie baby that blowdried bitch has a twelve step twice daily skin care routine and you’re RUINING it. Walked right past his twin size flannel futon in the corner down the hall and dumped him in the biggest bed she could find like a bedazzled roadkill possum. Didn’t even put his bonnet on. Sophie I love you so much but first thing he does after he chips his nails clawing his way out of that thing is get your Amelia Bedilia ass. I’m so sorry
This almost compares to that guy who wrote The Rant about hating Olaf
People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.
I love this fucking book
“I’ve said the words kilowatt-hours-per-sol so many times they’ve lost all meaning so I’m going to call them pirate-ninjas.
“So I need to generate nine hundred pirate-ninjas…”
there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying
I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.”
And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”
“
As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.
“
“Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”
Two pages later… “What do you know? I’m in command”
“Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart.
And my personal favorite :”
Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.
Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”
legend tells that Thoth, god of knowledge and magic, played cards with Khonsu, god of the moon, and won 5 extra days worth of moonlight. he gave them to the sky goddess Nut (who was forbidden from giving birth on any day of the then 360-day year), subsequently allowing her to produce Osiris, Isis, Horus, Geb, and Nepthys, all of them mighty deities
no one knows that Thoth was up to with the whole “leap year” thing. after all, there’s no way Nut could give birth to just ¼th of a god. unless…..
no way!!!! this has become a CERTIFIED MEDJED POST!!!!!!!!!!
b) this has nothing to do with what “calendar” anyone uses. a year was 365 (or 366) days before the romans and it continued to be 365/6 days afterwards. religion has no impact on the length of a year
c) egyptians months were all of equal length. given that 365 doesn’t divide evenly, if they just kept going the farming calendar would get further and further out of sync
d) which naturally is what happened
e) because you see the egyptian calendar had 3 seasons each containing 4 months of 30 days. their “weeks” were actually decans and 10 days long. very important these stay in the same place. in order for the months to happen at the same time every year they’d have to account for the handful of extra days somehow.
e.2) they did not account for leap years. yes, the one day every 4 years does also slowly push the calendar out of alignment. during the ptolemaic period, ptolemy III tried to correct that by adding a 6th extra day every 4 years but Nobody Liked That
f) they became the “epagomenal” days, were considered not part of the actual proper year (hence, circumventing Ra being a dick and Nut being able to give birth. get rules-lawyered, bitch). they basically became the equivalent of a new year celebration. each day was the birthday of a different god (osiris, isis, seth, nephtys, horus) so a 5-day party situation.
g) however it was also regarded as a sort of “spiritually dangerous” time since it existed outside the Actual Proper Year (they literally took place between New Year’s Eve (30 Wep Renpet) and New Year’s Day (1 Thoth)). Pharaoh performed a ritual called Sḥtp Sḫmt (pacifying of sekhmet) to protect himself and Egypt, people wore protective charms written on linen around their neck, and carried torches. But generally it was a period of rest
This is one of my favorite stories of Thoth. He is such a damn trickster and he gets elaway with it because everyone is all like “her Der nerdy scholar”. Don’t believe it, not for a minute!
yeah literally he gets away with it because he’s the only one who can fucking read
One small thing - Geb was the father in that situation, not the kid; it was Set who was born of Nut
Let’s not forget to acknowledge Alexandre Dumas this Black History Month
The writer of two of the most well known stories worldwide, The Three Musketeers and The Count of Monte Cristo was a black man.
That’s excellence.
Let’s not forget that he was played on screen by a white man. And the fact that he was black is barely ever mentioned or the book he wrote inspired by his experiences.
Other things not to forget about Alexandre Dumas:
chose to take on his slave grandmother’s last name, Dumas, like his father did before him.
grew up too poor for formal education, so was largely self-taught, including becoming a prolific reader, multilingual, well-travelled, and a foodie, resulting in his writing both a combination encyclopedia/cookbook (which just— is fucking outrageous to me) AND the adaptation of The Nutcracker on which Tchaikovsky based his ballet
he also wrote a LOOOOT of nonfiction and fiction about history, politics, and revolution, bc he was pro-monarchy, but a radical cuss, and that got him in a lot of hot water at home and abroad.
even beyond that, he generally put up with a lot of racist bullshit in France, so he went and wrote a novel about colonialism and a BLATANTLY self-insert anti-slavery vigilante hero (which he then cribbed from to write the Count of Monte Cristo, the main character of which, Edmond Dantés, Dumas also based on himself).
(…a novel which also features a LOAD of PoC beyond the Count, and at LEAST one queer character, btw, bc EVERY MOVIE ADAPTATION OF ANYTHING BY DUMAS IS A LIE; seriously, at LEAST one of the four Musketeers is Black, y'all.)
famously, when some fuckshit or other wanted to come at Dumas with some anti-Black foolishness, Dumas replied, “My father was a mulatto, my grandfather was a Negro, and my great-grandfather a monkey. You see, Sir, my family starts where yours ends.”
for the bicentennial of his birthday, Pres. Jacques Cirac was like, “…sorry about the hella racism,” and had Dumas’s ashes reinterred at the Panthéon of Paris, bc if you’re gonna keep the corpses of the cream of the crop all together, Dumas’s more widely read and translated than literally everybody else.
and they are still finding stuff old dude wrote, seriously; like discovering “lost” works as recently as 2002, publishing stuff for the first time as recently as 2005.
ALSO IMPORTANT:
SWAG
I am absolutely ashamed to admit I had NO idea Dumas was black.
daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman
he invaded egypt
the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord”
then napoleon showed up
napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus
the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually”
this did not make napoleon happy
in fact it made him jealous
napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud
New the Batman movie this, new the Batman movie that - everyone acts like the greatest piece of Batman related media had not been created YEARS ago by kids on tumblr
There was this “guy” I was in jazz band with that I thought I liked. We were both pretty weird and liked electronic music, and we got together to jam and do some weird music experiments every now and then l. I was always confused by the fact that I thought I had a crush here, until she came out as trans a few years ago.
When I was attending art classes at the community college, I met this “guy” I thought was pretty cute, and that confused me a bit, until the last day of classes when she goes “hey, I’m about to leave my parents house and start HRT. If you wanna be friends still, you need to know I’m trans and be cool about it.” I ended up going out with her a few years later.
It should also be recognised that Lucille Ball helped advance the medium of television as a whole by, more or less, inventing the idea of reruns. This was, in large part, what drove the success of non-serialised shows such as Star Trek, but also paved the way for extremely popular television genres like the sitcom
Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.
When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.
When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.
In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.
If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.
“Could I get a bag….?”
There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.
I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.
The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.
The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”
“There’s no bags?”
“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.
He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”
When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.
“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”
I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.
I am itddyodoyfkgckgx48d oyctidkgcohcitd vogciz74d9clgcgkx ohcitd48dyockgc thank you
ALT
